Mansion MASH
by aecul
Summary: Kitty & Co. want to play MASH. Romy oneshot.


_Mansion MASH_

It was nighttime. The entire day had been spent training in the Danger Room; Rogue was exhausted.

She lay on her bed, flipping through her iPod and sort of reading the homework packet she'd been assigned in Econ that week. Her eyelids were heavy and they slid closed…she forced them open and before a minute had passed they were falling again…she rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand and stared at the tiny, blurry print of the page she was on, stifling a yawn.

Right then, Kitty phased through the door of their shared bedroom, and was followed by Jubilee, flinging the door wide open against the wall, then Rahne, Laura, Amara, Tabitha, and Remy.

Oh, heavens above. Rogue was awake now. "What do you think you're doing?"

Kitty bounced on the edge of her bed, on the other side of the room. "Rogue! We're, like, going to play MASH."

Rogue groaned, covering her face with her hand. "Kitty, Ah haven't played that game since Ah was _ten_."

By this time the other girls had joined Kitty on her bed and Remy was lying on his stomach next to Rogue, playing with a strand of her hair.

She kicked at him. "Why're you here? Logan and Storm'll take turns killing you if they find out you're hanging out in the girl's section at nine-thirty at night."

"Kit here tol' me she an' de oder filles was comin' up t' mess wit' you, an' asked if I wanted t' come too," Remy answered, half-smiling. "I couldn' resis' seein' ma chérie, Roguie."

She rolled her eyes, fighting the inexplicable urge to grin back. She switched off her iPod and twisted the ear bud cord around it. "Gambit, you saw me _all day_ in D.R."

"Say dat again," Remy ordered, sitting up.

"What?"

"Say dat again. Gambit-" he prodded.

"Gambit, you saw me all day-"

"Yeah." He beamed.

"Yeah what?" Rogue said, frustrated. She contemplated smacking him with her bare hand and screaming at everyone else to get out of her room- the girls were crowded around Kitty, giggling as she scribbled in her favorite fuzzy pink notebook (Except Laura, who was scratching at the crocheted flowers on Kitty's bed sheets with her fingernail).

Remy took Rogue's hand between his gloved ones. "You make my name soun' so pretty, chère."

Your name _is_ pretty, she thought, surprising herself, and she yanked her hand away. Stinkin' Swamp Rat.

"Alrighty, people," said Kitty. "Rogue, you're up." She hopped up to show her roommate the notebook page, which was now filled with MASH categories: _Guys_. _Wedding Location_. _Mode of Transportation_.

"Why me?" Rogue begged of the ceiling. She glanced at the game of MASH again- wait, make that MASHO. Mansion. Apartment. Shack. House. "What's the 'O' stand for?"

Kitty blinked innocently. "Outhouse."

"Oh, fantastic. So do Ah hafta tell you what to write down or something?"

"No, no," said Jubilee, sitting on her hands and grinning. "We play it different."

"Hey, Ah've got a great idea. How 'bout you go see if Kurt or somebody wants to be your victim? So Ah can finish my homework and GO TO BED."

Rahne giggled nervously.

Kitty waved her hand dismissively. "Like, the way we play it is _so_ much more fun than the regular way. You just, like, stay there for a couple minutes, and we fill it all out ourselves."

"Does that not kind of defeat the purpose of the game? And why do Ah need to be here at all, if you're gonna do it like that?"

"Just because, Rogue," said Kitty pleasantly, seating herself back down on her bed. She turned to the other girls. "Okay, so I'll like take the first line under each category, and then you each just like do a line after that."

"What?" said Laura.

"Here, I'll show you." Kitty began writing in her notebook again. "See, for 'Wedding Dress', I write 'Space Suit'. And for 'Honeymoon Location', I write 'The Institute Basement'. Then when it's your turn, you might write underneath my answers, like, 'Paper Towels' and 'A Lifeboat in the Pacific'. Get it?"

Laura nodded, watching over Kitty's shoulder.

"Hey," said Rogue tetchily. "So Ah get to sit here with Creeper Cajun while you plan my paper towel wedding dress and my honeymoon in the basement?"

"Mmm-hmm," replied Amara, reaching for the notebook as Kitty finished her row with a flourish.

"'S jus' a game, hon," Remy said in Rogue's ear, pulling her into his arms and running the backs of his fingers over her cheek.

One of these days he was going to put her into cardiac arrest, carrying out stunts like that. "Why do you hafta be so _touchy_?" she demanded, grabbing her homework packet again to distract herself from the way her stomach was giving little flips.

"'Kay, I won't." He pulled his hand away, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her hair. "Better?"

Yes. She hesitated, then settled against his chest. "_Just_ 'cause Ah'm really tired. Got it, Swamp Rat?"

"Oh, o'course."

Of course.

She would never hear the end of it, but she _was_ tired, and Remy was really, really warm.

"Look!" Rahne whisper-slash-squeaked from Kitty's bed, where it was her turn with the notebook. She tipped her head in Remy and Rogue's direction.

"Shh, the lady's sleepy," Remy told them. Kitty, Jubilee and Amara giggled and Rogue turned to glare at Remy. "Don't push it, Gam-" –her warning was cut off as he started to smile, and she remembered that he liked when she said his name. She dropped her gaze.- "Don't push it."

Meanwhile, Amara was hissing, "Here, give it to me." She hastily erased something on the notebook page and wrote something else in its place. Rogue could only imagine; she sighed.

Remy pressed his cheek to the top of her head, rubbing her arms. "_How d'ya solve a problem like Anna Maria_?" he sang, very quietly.

She made an absentminded swat at his arm. "Do ya _know_ how many times Ah've heard that before?" Like when Jean picked _The Sound of Music_ for the "Mansion Movie Night" and Bobby thought he was being terribly clever.

"_How d' ya catch a cloud an' pin it down_?"

He had a good voice. Better than Bobby's. She wondered what Jubilee would have to say about that.

"_How d'ya find a word th' means Anna Maria_?"

She prepared herself to absorb him if he called her a clown. She'd never had a guy sing to her before; pity it would have to end with him passing out.

Maybe that would scare the other girls away. Or at least a couple of them. They looked to be almost done with their dumb notebook game. Hopefully, after they had irked her enough with their paper towel wedding dresses and such, they would leave her alone.

"_How d'ya find a word th' means Anna Maria_?" Remy repeated, holding both her hands. He was wearing different gloves than usual, so all his fingers were covered up. "_Feisty an' brave, the love o' my life, très belle_."

Oh. Dear goodness.

She might just have to absorb him anyway.

He kissed her hair and she could feel her neck and ears heating up scarlet. She ducked her head and couldn't keep herself from breaking into a smile. "Remy…"

"Hmm, chérie?"

There were a thousand things she could say to him.

Why?

Why on earth are you so persistent? Out of all the girls in the entire world, I'm the one you choose. The one who can't touch. Why is it worth it?

And, why do you make me smile more than I ever wanted to before? Why do you get under my skin like no one else can? What is it about you that makes my heart ache so badly? Why do you torture me like this?

But then, why would I care so much if you _did_ give up on me?

Please, please don't.

She was silent.

"Finished!" Tabitha yelled from across the room.

Kitty retrieved her notebook. "Rogue, I'm going to say 'Start', and then you say 'Stop'. Start."

"Stop." Rogue looked up and pulled her hands away from Remy again.

He took them right back.

"_No_, give me like a second to make a couple tally marks before you say 'Stop'!" said Kitty. "Start."

Rogue counted to four. "Stop."

"Okay." Kitty was satisfied. She started moving her pen over the paper and crossing things off. "One, two, three, four, five…one, two, three, four, five…" She smirked. "You don't live on an asteroid in the Andromeda galaxy."

Pause. One, two, three, four, five.

"Or in a pineapple under the sea."

"Well, okay," said Rogue, feeling awkward at the center of such ridiculous attention.

"You don't, like, have a pet dragon…hey, who wrote that? I've always thought that would be so cool, you know? To have a dragon? Anyways."

Cross.

Cross.

Cross.

"Aren't you gonna read those out loud?" Rogue asked.

"No," said Kitty, preoccupied. One, two, three, four, five. "You don't drive a helicopter." One, two, three, four, five. "You don't honeymoon on Planet X."

"That would be ironic," Amara pointed out.

Cross.

Cross.

"You don't marry Colos- hey! Laura, was that you?"

"Um, yes," said Laura. "Why?"

"Well- Because, like- I just don't think, like- What did we- Never mind!" Kitty shook her head, flushing.

Remy grinned and squeezed Rogue's hand. "Carry a torch fo' Piotr, Kitty Cat?"

She shot him a Death Glare. "No! You know what? Just, like, whatever." She bent over the notebook and scraped her pen across the page.

"Don't kill the paper, there," Jubilee said. "I think it's my turn." She gently took the notebook and began busily counting and crossing things out.

"Don't earn coconut oil for income…don't have a pet llama…don't drive a Nissan Rogue…"

"That would actually be kinda amusing," Rogue admitted.

"Don't have a space suit wedding dress- sorry, Kitty…don't have negative two children…"

Before long, Jubilee made the final circle around the last winning answer and, raising one eyebrow, handed the completed game of MASH back to Kitty.

Kitty scanned the page. "Ooooh."

"Uh-oh," said Rogue nervously. "Not sure Ah like the sound a' that."

Remy laughed.

"Don't like the sound a' that, either!"

"Okay." Kitty gave Rogue an evil grin. "Here we go. You marry Gambit for love."

"Aww," said every one of the other girls.

"WHAT?" cried Rogue.

"'S destiny, chérie. Tol' ya dat befo'." Remy laughed again.

"Shut up, you," Rogue said icily, trying to shrug away from him. "Kitty-"

"You wear, it says, a 'gorgeous white wedding gown' and he wears a black tux," Kitty continued, oblivious to her roommate's protests. "The wedding takes place outdoors, at, like, a really pretty, quiet park."

Rogue stopped struggling against Remy for a second. She knew exactly which park; she could picture it in her head…argh! "KITTY! AH WILL-"

"Hush, sweetheart," said Remy, holding her tightly. "I wanna hear dis."

He smelled nice…

...Was Kitty ever in for it…

"You honeymoon in New Orleans and then move into a white mansion in New York…"

"Hmm, wonder which white mansion that could possibly be?" said Tabitha sarcastically.

"You work as an X-Man. Your income is money. Really, Laura?"

"Couldn't think of anything else to write," Laura answered defensively.

"Whatever," Kitty said. "Rogue, you have zero pets…probably good, since 'Sabertooth' is, like, listed under Type of Pet."

Remy choked with laughter.

"However, you have 'plenty of little Rogues and Remys'-"

Rogue might be able to have babies in the future. She tried not to think too hard about it. "Wait a sec," she said, ignoring Remy's smirk, "how'd whoever put that know Ah was gonna end up with Swamp Rat? In the game," she added for his benefit.

"They were a very good guesser," said Kitty quickly. "You drive a red motorcycle, and live happily ever after. The end."

Rogue wrenched away from Remy, slipping off her bed and going over to Kitty's side of the room. She snatched the notebook. "Lemme see that."

"Uh-oh," said Rahne, scooting over in the direction of the door.

_Guys_, read the paper.  
Gambit  
Remy  
Gambit  
Colossus  
Remy  
Gambit

"Thank you, Laura," Rogue said, painfully calmly.

Laura nodded.

"_EVERYONE ELSE_," she snapped, "GET _OUT_ OF MY ROOM OR YOU WILL DIE A _VERY_ _SLOW _DEATH."

Kitty covered her mouth with one hand to keep from bursting out laughing, and began shoving the other girls off the bed. "C'mon, guys. Eep! Rogue!"

Threatening with her ungloved hands, Rogue chased them into the hallway and slammed the door behind them.

Remy had not budged from her bed.

"You too! Or Ah could go get Logan…"

"Non, Roguie, don' do dat. I'm goin'."

"Sure ya are. They planned that whole thing, didn't they?"

"Dey was messin' with ya, chérie. I said dat earlier."

"Oh…right."

Maybe…maybe…maybe they caught on quicker than she did. Maybe they…kinda…heaven forbid!...knew what they were doing.

She didn't want to think about it...

She couldn't help it. He put his arms around her, pressing her against him and she instinctively buried her face in his chest (it wasn't fair he was so much taller than she was!), breathing in all his intoxicating Remy-ness.

He kissed the top of her head.

Logan could murder him for it.

Later.

"G'night, Rogue," he said, letting go of her and heading for the door. "Fais de beaux rêves."

"Good night, Remy…"

She caught a hint of a smile on his lips as he exited the room, closing the door silently behind him.

She sank down on her bed, staring at her hands in her lap. Concentrating on not letting him take her heart away with him.

Kitty returned some minutes later. She tapped on the door as she opened it. "Knock-knock?"

Rogue sighed, pushing the annoying bit of hair that always fell into her eyes back behind her ear. "You can come in, Kitty."

"Umm…so, like, sorry?"

Pause.

"Ah'm not going to say 'It's okay'."

"Yeah…but, hey, the look on your face was totally worth it." Kitty grinned. "By the way, as your dear friend and all, can I be a bridesmaid at your wedding?"

Rogue tossed a pillow at Kitty, who squeaked and phased through it.

_Can I be a bridesmaid at your wedding?_

In a beautiful, sunlit park with flowerbeds, and tall trees, and a fountain…who knew? Someday...

That night, she had sweet dreams.

* * *

Sooo...my first _X-Men: Evolution_ fic. What'd you think? My friends and I actually play MASH(O) like this...it's a blast. :) "Fais de beaux rêves" means "sweet dreams" according to Forvo dot com. I do not know a stitch of French; sorry if that's incorrect.

Disclaimer: I don't own _XME_, _The Sound of Music_, etc. etc.

Thanks for reading! God bless!


End file.
